I often think back on the day that changed my life. Looking back on it now, I can say that it was a miracle. Not many people can say that about having a stroke at the age of 22 after being perfectly healthy. The miracle was not that I had a spontaneous carotid artery dissection causing an acute ischimic basil ganglian stoke...that part just sucked. The miracle is that I lived.
It has taken me almost two years to come to this realization. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of that day- that day that could have ended very differently. I’ve had all the stages of grief as I grieved for the careless life I once had. At first it was surreal, I couldn’t have had a stoke while running the first six miles of the Detroit Marathon I had trained for. Really six miles!?!? I ran well over six miles A LOT during my training....really, six?? This whole concept is still frustrating to me....Then, I was angry. I was angry at God, I was angry at Canada, I was angry at myself. I was confused- how could this have happened? I had run WAY more than 6 miles in my training not once or twice but dozens of time (SERIOUSLY!?!?). But now it is clear- it was, I am, a miracle.
For six months I trained hard for this marathon I was ready. Me, my ipod and my water bottle pounded miles into the pavement. This is the first miracle. I trained for six months alone. Most of the time no one knew where I was running or how long I’d be and especially not my route. I ran with nothing but an ipod and a water bottle. No ID or anything to distinguish my identity, no way to call for help if I needed it. How lucky was I that not only was I wearing a racing bib with name on it, but that I was at a place that was surrounded by people, and most importantly- first responders. Had my dissection occurred while I was training, who knows how long I would have had to wait for someone to find me and, most importantly, get me the help I needed.
Which brings me to the second miracle. Those who know me well, post-stroke, know that I am tough on Canada. I blame the country!... I know this is totally ridiculous, but hey, I need something to blame! But, honestly, I should (and am) thankful that I was in Canada when it happened. The nearest hospital was Hotel de Grace in Windsor, Canada. A hospital which just happens to be a leading stroke center. The doctors there immediately recognized that I was having a stroke. When they told me- after I finally stopped telling them they were wrong- I asked for that medication I had heard of that can reverse damage done by stroke. I knew that it had to be given within a small frame of time after the stoke or the damage could be permanent. Luckily these physicians waited to get all the facts and didn’t give it to me. This medication could have caused my brain to hemorrhage and lead to further complications.
Speaking of permanent damage. This is the third miracle. When I presented to the hospital I had a right-side facial droop and severe weakness in the left side of my body. When I initially collapsed, I couldn’t even stand up again, and I couldn’t feel my left arm. Luckily I’m left handed...so that just added the icing on the cake. Within a day or two most of my symptoms had resolved and today I have no real lasting damage. Sure there is the occasionally day that I am really tired and my left leg doesn’t seem up to pare with the rest of me, but I was clumsy before, I can deal with that. The only lasting symptom I had for the first year or so was difficulty with fine motor movements in my left-hand. The hand-writing I was once proud of was gone, but slowly and with painstaking practice I am back to normal, or my new normal, which I am pretty happy with. No more 8 year-old boy chicken scratch for me, my brain has learned new routes and formed new neuropathways to work around the damaged parts.
My brain, I love it. I especially love my Circle of Willis. The Circle of Willis is an arrangement of the brain's arteries, which creates redundancies in the cerebral circulation. If any part of the artery becomes narrowed or blocked- like in the case of a stroke- blood flow to the other vessels can preserve perfusion (blood supplies) to the brain to avoid symptoms of ischemia. I learned not long after my stoke that not all people have a complete Circle of Willis. Luckily for me, I do and this is largely the reason I am here today. Because of my complete Circle of Willis, blood was still provided to all the vital parts of my brain. The parts that I needed to live. Yes, I love my circle of Willis.
I still struggle with headaches and migraines, but I think this is a pretty small price to pay for not having to deal with the alternative. Overall I am pretty lucky. Not only was I in a perfect place for this to happen and got the care I needed, but I also have the most amazing family and friends supporting me. They are one of the many blessings I have, and I appreciate them everyday. If I could go back and undo one thing in my life it would probably be my stroke, but since I can’t do that, I'm mindful everyday that I am indeed blessed and should count these blessings as often as possible.
It has taken me almost two years to come to this realization. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of that day- that day that could have ended very differently. I’ve had all the stages of grief as I grieved for the careless life I once had. At first it was surreal, I couldn’t have had a stoke while running the first six miles of the Detroit Marathon I had trained for. Really six miles!?!? I ran well over six miles A LOT during my training....really, six?? This whole concept is still frustrating to me....Then, I was angry. I was angry at God, I was angry at Canada, I was angry at myself. I was confused- how could this have happened? I had run WAY more than 6 miles in my training not once or twice but dozens of time (SERIOUSLY!?!?). But now it is clear- it was, I am, a miracle.
For six months I trained hard for this marathon I was ready. Me, my ipod and my water bottle pounded miles into the pavement. This is the first miracle. I trained for six months alone. Most of the time no one knew where I was running or how long I’d be and especially not my route. I ran with nothing but an ipod and a water bottle. No ID or anything to distinguish my identity, no way to call for help if I needed it. How lucky was I that not only was I wearing a racing bib with name on it, but that I was at a place that was surrounded by people, and most importantly- first responders. Had my dissection occurred while I was training, who knows how long I would have had to wait for someone to find me and, most importantly, get me the help I needed.
Which brings me to the second miracle. Those who know me well, post-stroke, know that I am tough on Canada. I blame the country!... I know this is totally ridiculous, but hey, I need something to blame! But, honestly, I should (and am) thankful that I was in Canada when it happened. The nearest hospital was Hotel de Grace in Windsor, Canada. A hospital which just happens to be a leading stroke center. The doctors there immediately recognized that I was having a stroke. When they told me- after I finally stopped telling them they were wrong- I asked for that medication I had heard of that can reverse damage done by stroke. I knew that it had to be given within a small frame of time after the stoke or the damage could be permanent. Luckily these physicians waited to get all the facts and didn’t give it to me. This medication could have caused my brain to hemorrhage and lead to further complications.
Speaking of permanent damage. This is the third miracle. When I presented to the hospital I had a right-side facial droop and severe weakness in the left side of my body. When I initially collapsed, I couldn’t even stand up again, and I couldn’t feel my left arm. Luckily I’m left handed...so that just added the icing on the cake. Within a day or two most of my symptoms had resolved and today I have no real lasting damage. Sure there is the occasionally day that I am really tired and my left leg doesn’t seem up to pare with the rest of me, but I was clumsy before, I can deal with that. The only lasting symptom I had for the first year or so was difficulty with fine motor movements in my left-hand. The hand-writing I was once proud of was gone, but slowly and with painstaking practice I am back to normal, or my new normal, which I am pretty happy with. No more 8 year-old boy chicken scratch for me, my brain has learned new routes and formed new neuropathways to work around the damaged parts.
My brain, I love it. I especially love my Circle of Willis. The Circle of Willis is an arrangement of the brain's arteries, which creates redundancies in the cerebral circulation. If any part of the artery becomes narrowed or blocked- like in the case of a stroke- blood flow to the other vessels can preserve perfusion (blood supplies) to the brain to avoid symptoms of ischemia. I learned not long after my stoke that not all people have a complete Circle of Willis. Luckily for me, I do and this is largely the reason I am here today. Because of my complete Circle of Willis, blood was still provided to all the vital parts of my brain. The parts that I needed to live. Yes, I love my circle of Willis.
I still struggle with headaches and migraines, but I think this is a pretty small price to pay for not having to deal with the alternative. Overall I am pretty lucky. Not only was I in a perfect place for this to happen and got the care I needed, but I also have the most amazing family and friends supporting me. They are one of the many blessings I have, and I appreciate them everyday. If I could go back and undo one thing in my life it would probably be my stroke, but since I can’t do that, I'm mindful everyday that I am indeed blessed and should count these blessings as often as possible.
I love you so much. I'm the luckiest sister in the world because I have you as a sister. I love your circle of Willis too. And I'm so thankful for you everyday.
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