Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Inspiration Wednesday!
"Someday everything will make perfect sense. So, for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything Happens for a reason"
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Its inspiration Wednesday....
If nothing else, one day you can look someone straight in the eyes and say, 'But I lived through it. And it made me who I am today.'
-Unknown.
I'm in a funk today...but these words are just what I needed.
-Unknown.
I'm in a funk today...but these words are just what I needed.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Happy Wednesday
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| Life may not be the party we hoped for... But while we are here we might as well dance! |
Monday, July 4, 2011
Holy Cow!
Its been over six months since my last post. Life got a little crazy for a while...but I am working on some new post. Keep checking in! I will be writing a lot over the next few weeks. Recap of the last few months! Sorry I am such a bad blogger...
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Super freak. Super freak. I'm super freaky.
I learned something about myself over the last couple of months. I am a control freak. I had never realized this before...and I don’t think I was like this pre-stroke. But, turns out that when I’m not in control I turn into a super freak. Silly things like not being in control of my own schedule, having a lot of my future depend on a test or not knowing where or what I’ll be doing in the next year. My latest episode started during my W.T.F weekend, I think, and then quickly spiraled. I went to worrying about the future to freaking out when I forgot to bring my coupons to the store (really??...)The root cause of all this started with my newest endeavor- applying to grad school!
I am in the process of applying to Masters programs in Public Health. I decided this sometime after my stroke, but I’m not sure it was the cause of the decision. I work for a Health System Risk Management Department. At work, I see everything that could possibly go wrong in medicine. When I was getting my bachelor’s degree in Brain, Behavior and Cognitive Sciences, my end goal was going to Medical School. However, the longer I work in Risk Management the less I want to be a physician. I think there are greater problems that need to be addressed at a policy and administrative level so that patients and their families receive the care they are entitled to.
I also think that health promotion and health behavior is extremely important to stop diseases progression and prevent illnesses. This insight I gathered post-stroke. If I could have done ANYTHING to prevent my stroke, I would have done it 300%. After lots of test/theories/studies. my stroke was categorized as Spontaneous. That means that there was nothing physically wrong with me that caused my stroke, it was a freak occurrence. I’m pretty thankful that I don’t have any disease/condition that caused my stroke, but every once in a while I wish I did.
Let me explain, because I think this is why I am now a control freak. If there was something wrong with me, then doctors could monitor it and I could actively treat it. I would feel somewhat in control of my health beyond what I actively do to stay healthy. But because it was spontaneous, though the chance is low, it could happen again randomly, and that I can’t control-- that is some scary shit. This is one of the many reasons I choose to be as active and healthy as I can be. One thing that my doctors told me after my stroke is that I recovered so well because I was in such good shape. It’s scary for me to think that if it does happen again and I’m not in top physical shape the outcome could be different.
My control issue became clear as attempted to select public health programs to apply to. It is a tough decision to make for anyone, but for me it made me feel like I wasn’t in control of anything. Applying to grad school is scary enough without all the worries I live with daily. I know that uncertainty isn’t fun for anyone, but for me brings back the panic I felt laying on the side of the road in Canada not being able to get up. Even though I know that I actually have control of my life and that it will be okay, sometimes I just can’t help feeling like that. I’m sure others have known how much of a super freak I am all along....but for me it was a surprise. So, I’ve been a super freak lately, over reacting about the smallest things ..I apologize if anyone felt the full brunt of my latest episode. But hey, now I know and I can try to manage it better. I’m a super freak…but, who isn’t?
I am in the process of applying to Masters programs in Public Health. I decided this sometime after my stroke, but I’m not sure it was the cause of the decision. I work for a Health System Risk Management Department. At work, I see everything that could possibly go wrong in medicine. When I was getting my bachelor’s degree in Brain, Behavior and Cognitive Sciences, my end goal was going to Medical School. However, the longer I work in Risk Management the less I want to be a physician. I think there are greater problems that need to be addressed at a policy and administrative level so that patients and their families receive the care they are entitled to.
I also think that health promotion and health behavior is extremely important to stop diseases progression and prevent illnesses. This insight I gathered post-stroke. If I could have done ANYTHING to prevent my stroke, I would have done it 300%. After lots of test/theories/studies. my stroke was categorized as Spontaneous. That means that there was nothing physically wrong with me that caused my stroke, it was a freak occurrence. I’m pretty thankful that I don’t have any disease/condition that caused my stroke, but every once in a while I wish I did.
Let me explain, because I think this is why I am now a control freak. If there was something wrong with me, then doctors could monitor it and I could actively treat it. I would feel somewhat in control of my health beyond what I actively do to stay healthy. But because it was spontaneous, though the chance is low, it could happen again randomly, and that I can’t control-- that is some scary shit. This is one of the many reasons I choose to be as active and healthy as I can be. One thing that my doctors told me after my stroke is that I recovered so well because I was in such good shape. It’s scary for me to think that if it does happen again and I’m not in top physical shape the outcome could be different.
My control issue became clear as attempted to select public health programs to apply to. It is a tough decision to make for anyone, but for me it made me feel like I wasn’t in control of anything. Applying to grad school is scary enough without all the worries I live with daily. I know that uncertainty isn’t fun for anyone, but for me brings back the panic I felt laying on the side of the road in Canada not being able to get up. Even though I know that I actually have control of my life and that it will be okay, sometimes I just can’t help feeling like that. I’m sure others have known how much of a super freak I am all along....but for me it was a surprise. So, I’ve been a super freak lately, over reacting about the smallest things ..I apologize if anyone felt the full brunt of my latest episode. But hey, now I know and I can try to manage it better. I’m a super freak…but, who isn’t?
Monday, December 20, 2010
I'm a bad, bad blogger
I have been totally MIA for two months. I'm still alive and kicking, promise! Life gets busy sometimes. But more blogs are coming! Including why I am a SUPER freak, and my crazy graduate school applications. Turns out, I'm applying to school in California? (what??) Brace yourselves, my blogging break is over!!!
Monday, October 25, 2010
W.T.F
Michigan Football had a bye week this past weekend and I didn’t have a wedding... so I had a WHOLE weekend to catch up on whatever non-football nor wedding related things I’ve been neglecting for the past two months. I basically live and breathe football from Labor day to OSU weekend, and I love it! But this weekend in lieu of watching football, I watched some random TV... This may have been a mistake.
I caught an episode of The Biggest Loser. On this particular season the contestants ran a marathon. Although I don’t watch this show consistently, I generally enjoy the concept. It brings out my dorky Public Health side. I like that the show encourages people to be healthy (...ignoring the fact that they get “healthy” in a not so healthy way..), but I have to say this episode just pissed me off.
While I was in the hospital my sister got me one of these:
I caught an episode of The Biggest Loser. On this particular season the contestants ran a marathon. Although I don’t watch this show consistently, I generally enjoy the concept. It brings out my dorky Public Health side. I like that the show encourages people to be healthy (...ignoring the fact that they get “healthy” in a not so healthy way..), but I have to say this episode just pissed me off.
While I was in the hospital my sister got me one of these:
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| From Etsy.com |
It mirrored my thoughts about my stroke perfectly, and still does. Because, really? WTF. Watching The Biggest Loser brought back a lot of these feelings. I still don’t understand why I, a perfectly healthy 22 year-old with a healthy life-style who training for 6 months, had a stroke while running THE FIRST SIX MILES...While the contestants of this show, morbidly obese people with unhealthy life-styles were able to finish... W.T.F. and then to put a cherry on top of this, midway through this episode they showed a commercial for Subway. Apparently, Jared, the guy who lost tons of weight by eating Subway, is also running in the New York City Marathon. Good for you, Jared...
This is still an issue I really struggle with post-stroke and usually I just accept it, but occasionally I still have these W.T.F moments. Really, there isn’t any point of playing, the “Why-Me?” Game. I guess its just part of life and life isn’t always fair. Maybe my stroke happened for some reason that I’ll figure out down the line, or maybe its just a sucky part of life, I’m not sure yet. But for now...I guess I’ll just have to eat more Subway.
This is still an issue I really struggle with post-stroke and usually I just accept it, but occasionally I still have these W.T.F moments. Really, there isn’t any point of playing, the “Why-Me?” Game. I guess its just part of life and life isn’t always fair. Maybe my stroke happened for some reason that I’ll figure out down the line, or maybe its just a sucky part of life, I’m not sure yet. But for now...I guess I’ll just have to eat more Subway.
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